Emotional resilience and home buying

Emotional resilience

Emotional Intelligence

It’s just business, right? They want to sell. We want to buy. They are moving into a bigger home or downsizing or moving away to a new life in Toronto or Tokyo. We want the school zone and the green space and the two car garage. It’s just business, just a transaction. Right? 


There are emotional elements that will quickly creep into the transaction. 

We often talk about how home sellers has a lot of “emotional baggage” invested in their homes. It’s the place they bought when they first got married. Their children grew up there. They re-did the kitchen. That all makes sense. 

But what about the buyers? They are often ill prepared for the emotional roller coaster ride that they have just put themselves on.

As a Realtor who works the majority of the time with buyers, I experience it all the time. There are lots of unexpected ups and downs coming your way in the home-buying process. 

The ups and downs of home buying

Pictures can be deceiving

Online most home shoppers start with the photos, and we all know that. It is not uncommon when visiting a property to find the rooms to be smaller and darker than expected. This is disappointing. 

It’s a marathon, not a sprint

I read somewhere that the average homebuyer has to visit 16 houses before making an offer. I’ve had clients look at more than 40. (He was keeping track, not me). The serious home buying process often starts by looking at five or six homes the first time out, then two or three the second time out…eventually scheduling single showings as new listings come up is typical. That’s a lot of outings. That’s a lot of effort. It takes time.

The training before the marathon

Even before the serious home searching begins, most people start off by visiting weekend open houses. Those are fun at first. Then, most buyers realize that they are taking up more time than they are worth.

The waiting

And now that you have finally found the prefect place and submitted an offer, the waiting begins. Even if you are not competing with other offers, you have to wait to hear back from the sellers. 

Will they accept your offer? 

Will they sign it back? 

What if they reject it outright? 

At this point, homebuyers have a lot of time and emotions invested in the property. Hours can seem like days to hear back. 


Home buyers making an offer are asked to understand and sign pages and pages of forms and contracts. The legal language, the disclosures, the conditions are new to most people and can be overwhelming. 

Buyer’s remorse

Then we always question our decisions. 

Did I do the right thing? 

Did I pay too much? 

Will I be able to afford it? 

Oh my God, what have I done? 

That’s normal. I get buyers remorse most every time I visit Amazon.ca. Buying a home is thousands of time more scary.

The home inspection

A home inspectors job is to find fault. Most home inspectors have pretty good ‘bed side manner’. They point out the defects and sooth the buyers that what they are finding is normal and expected. At the end of a home inspection, it is not uncommon to have a long list of sundry items that need improvement. Homebuyers can find that overwhelming. 


Offering and counter-offering, negotiating an agreement with the seller, negotiating after the home inspection…these things are emotionally challenging.


I hope this blog post helps you to know what to expect when you are expecting to buy. It’s not the problems that you will face but how you deal with them that’s important. Luckily, your Realtor will already know this and will help you throught it. 

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